'The Six Commandments Of Equestrianism' For Mental Wellbeing

Well, it’s been a little while since I wrote anything for Horsemart. I think I’ve settled into lockdown life a little too well. The slower pace of life has suited me. I think when I’m older, twice divorced and obviously, hugely wealthy, I should retire to somewhere relaxed like Lake Geneva. Somewhere I can sip cappuccinos and take pleasure in not getting out of bed unless it’s for something hugely important, like a restaurant reservation or possibly a facial. 

Anyway, apart from binge watching Netflix and eating a horrifying amount of Monster Munch, it’s hard to come up with any exciting anecdotes regarding lockdown. Let’s be honest, nothing has happened...

But with all that nothingness has come a sense of community. My friends that are usually so busy riding, working or both are suddenly readily available on the phone at ALL times of day! Except the one that just had a baby; that child is possessed by a sleep demon, I swear. Anyway, during normal life, we might get the odd WhatsApp, Facebook comment or, if we’re lucky, 5 minutes walking round a XC warm up with each other at an event in the middle of nowhere – usually, when we've both been up since 4am and sleep deprivation leaves the conversation significantly less than glittering.

Anyway, all these conversations have left me with an overwhelming sense of belonging, of community, a relief that honestly everyone is going through exactly the same thoughts and feelings! Lockdown has inspired me to tackle a huge mountain within the equestrian community; what goes on inside our heads...

Jeeezzzz... we getting serious now. Well, sort of.

Everyone’s got their own battles they’re fighting. Some people’s battles are bloodier than others but here are my tips for surviving the horse world – my word, what a battlefield it can be! So let me be the one to preach...

Here we go... It’s my '10 Equestrian Commandments', except there’s only 6!

1. “Thou shalt not sprint”

First off, it’s a journey, not a race! Don’t judge yourself by someone else’s speedometer. 

Some people have enormous success at a very young age and others don’t. But here’s the thing... it doesn’t matter! Those young riders who find their names up in lights so early on will have aspects of others’ lives they envy. It’s all relative!

If I could go back ten years and tell my 18year old self what life would be like in 2020. Well, firstly I’d tell her that there are other types of footwear rather than UGG boots and there’s also such a thing as too much black eyeliner. Back to the point... I’ve sadly not gone to the Olympics, I’m not an enormous financial success, I’m not even a marginal financial success, I don’t sell £1million competition horses and unbelievably, I’m not married to Alex Turner from The Arctic Monkeys... yeah, I know right?! Weird.

But you know what... what a ten years it’s been! I’ve learnt so many life skills through horses. I’ve ridden in some amazing places. I’ve met the most amazing people, and good god just the worst. I’ve had ups and downs. I’ve spent A LOT of money and I’ve made some. But I’ve come away with friends that are like family, I’ve been involved in what I consider to be the most incredible type of sport and what a ride it’s been! It doesn’t matter what you do with your horses, just enjoy being part of a world that is as all inclusive as you want it to be!  

2. “Thou shalt not be beaten by big mouths”

This leads me seamlessly into my next point. Surround yourself with a support system and not a demolition team.

Every yard has a bully. Every Pony Club has a painful, over-achieving parent. For every social media account, there’s some awful troll lurking under a bridge somewhere. Every rider has ridden for an owner who thinks they’ve done you a favour by allowing you the ride on their horrible 5yo who’s apparently going to Badminton. Well, let me tell you now, these people, in my experience, come up short.

Anyone worth their salt, anyone successful and worth being around, or anyone just plain happy has no need to attempt to make their light shine a little brighter by dulling your sparkle. You know the type; loud as a motorbike, but wouldn’t bust a grape in a fruit fight. WHAT?! No, I didn’t just drop Jay-Z in a Horsemart article. Dayyuuummmmmm... But hey, Mr Z has hit the nail on the head. These people aren’t worth wasting your time thinking about. They are all speech and no substance.

If you need advice from someone, then have a professional trainer or experienced friend be your pillar to lean on; someone who wants to genuinely help and not judge. Don’t give these awful parasitic people the opportunity to feed off your glorious glowing energy. As with any parasite without a host to live on, they eventually wither and die. So smile in the face of these sad, sad people and hope for their sake they eventually find fulfilment in their own riding journey, while you put all your energy into enjoying yours!

3. “Thou shalt not scroll”

You know what I’m going to say. Social Media. Gurrrllllll, it ain’t real.

Don’t get me wrong, we all like a scroll, don’t we? Pretty horses, competition reports, Ludwig Svennerstal’s recent lockdown nude photos. It’s all great. But it’s not real! These accounts don’t show the eliminations. The painfully average dressage scores. The money lost on horses we bought and just didn’t click with. The arguments with owners, parents, partners, trainers, farriers, friends. Yeah, we argue a lot, don’t we. The vet’s visits. The frustrating hours spent trying to load a horse that doesn’t feel like going anywhere today. The miserable, raining, guilt-ridden days when, quite honestly, riding just wasn’t up there on the immediate priority list.

It’s interesting, I’ve had a few chats with other riders about life in lockdown and I was surprised to hear how my own social media accounts are interpreted. It’s funny isn’t it? Naturally, we publish only the ridiculous and the sublime. The mundane everyday content isn’t for Instagram. So let it be known, I’m still poor, I still miss a lot, my heels don’t always stay down and most of my day is spent sweeping.

Take it all with a pinch of salt. It’s a great tool to stay connected with the riders you admire or the companies you support, but don’t measure your own life in likes and followers. Gurrrllll, you are worth so much more than that.

4. “Thou shalt not strive for perfection”

Now, this is a bold one, but bear with me. We all want to learn and improve at whatever level we ride at, but it’s so much healthier to be the best version of yourself you can be, than try to be perfect.

Let me simplify...

Dressage – Just enter the white boards, follow the choreography, wave to the judge and leave.

Cross country – Just get from one side of the fence to the other safely in about the right time allowed. 

Showjumping – Just leave all the poles up and get through the finish as quickly as you can.

Anything outside of those things is a bonus! 

Does it desperately need to be perfect? Probably not. Do we need to get into bed and beat ourselves up that we came through the combination a bit flat? That we missed into that horrible corner, that our leg yield was not sidewards enough? Definitely not.

Ambition and drive is so healthy but obsessing is not. Does everyone make mistakes? Yes they do. Have you come home safely, ready to do it all over again? Yes? C’est super! What a success! Isn’t riding fun?!

5. “Thou shalt not feel cursed”

Everyone’s horse gets injured! Let me say it again for the people in the back. Everyone’s horse gets injured!! When Lightening comes in from the field on three legs, you feel like that one bloke that lives in the house in the middle of the M62. Totally alone.

Why does this keep happening to me? Maybe a witch cursed your family name in the 1800s. Or possibly, you keep buying all the defected horses so everyone else can have the sound ones. How charitable of you. Maybe it’s something you’re doing. Wrong! It happens to everyone, it’s just lots of people are incredibly talented at keeping it quiet.

Horses are beyond brilliant at injuring themselves. Architecturally, they’re a bit like the Leaning Tower of Pisa and sadly that’s part and parcel of owning one, but don’t let it get you down. In the words of Michael Jackson, “You are not alone.”

6. “Thou shalt dance to the beat of your own drum”

Easier said than done, but be yourself! Because there’s only one you, unless you believe in the multiverse theory, in which case there’s an infinite number of yous. But why would you bring that up right now? It’s not important.

Be yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you what type of rider you’re meant to be. You don’t have to jump the terrifying huge fences because someone on Instagram does. You don’t need to spend hours going round in circles trying to have the roundest, fanciest trot because that’s what riding is supposed to look like. If you haven’t got the money to have a saddle that’s the same price as a small car then that’s fine! You don’t need to be at Bramham, Blenheim, Burnham or anywhere else beginning with a B for that matter.

If it’s an aim and you haven’t reached it yet, then that’s fine! It’s all about the journey. You are who you are and your horse is what it is. If it takes you a little longer than someone else, or hey, if you never do it all, that’s just fine. Because you know what, some of my happiest times have been simply walking down the road on my horses!

If your horse is happy and well cared for, that’s really all that matters. Horses don’t know about championships, qualifiers or international classes. I think this is so often forgotten. As long as they’re loved and cared for, the rest of that stuff we concern ourselves with really doesn’t matter. So don’t let people try to convince you you’re doing it the wrong way. 

Try not to compare yourself to others. God, that’s easy to say and hard to do. But it’s so damaging. This is what gets inside our heads.

Now let’s be clear, if I roll up to a show and step out of my painfully average lorry to see someone strolling out of their pop out, pop up, pop in, pop down palace on wheels whilst dripping in Samshield, Holland Cooper and Equiclass, you best believe I’ll start questioning my life choices. Of course we all want the beautiful fancy stuff! But this is where it must stop. Admire their horse or their talents – or for me it’s their clothes – but don’t be intimidated or left feeling flat by them. You’re on your own journey with your own horse, who you picked or, as often is the case, who picked you. The only competition you need to worry about is yourself.

So often I hear, “Oh my god, so-and-so is in my class!” Who cares? You’re not against them, you’re against yourself. Do your best, forget the rest and try to enjoy it. After all, we don’t spend the price of a mortgage every month to have a miserable time! Needless to say, even so-and-so is having the exact same thoughts as you! “God, please let this go well, do not stop at the water tray. I swear to god, if I fall off in these Samshield breeches I’ll cry!”

There are so many of us currently who have felt a loss of identity with the halt of competitions this year due to COVID-19, and there are an equal amount of us who have felt a huge relief from the usual pressures of keeping up manic work routines, competition stress and the financial burden of competing.

I think it’s really important that from time to time we all take a step back and remember to enjoy our sport, our hobby, our beloved animals and not get too wrapped up with what goes on inside our heads.

After all, it’s just like Ferris Beuller says following his day off; “Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it.” How iconic is that film?! I mean, seriously.

So there you have it, my ‘10 Equestrian Commandments’... except there’s only 6.